Going home

Going home after 3 weeks in my isolation room 3. Gold medal from my kids for being #1 Dad!

On Tues morning 21 Aug, the sister came in to my room and said those words I had been waiting for “Dr. Cohen said you are going home”. How sweet those words were after more than three weeks in isolation in my hospital room. It was necessary but I would not miss the 2am vitals check, 5.30am blood sample, 6am vitals check, 6.30am tea, the using of a bottle instead of the toilet, the same old menu week in and week out, the drip that was connected to me 24/7…. It was all for a purpose and praise the Lord that my time in hospital was uneventful – I had no infection and my kidney survived. Oh, but the joy of coming home. Home where my children could not get enough of me – daddy must do this, I want to sit next to daddy, I want daddy to dress me, even daddy must change my nappy. It put a smile on my dial. My own bed, eating food that I want, the love, the care, being able to sleep when I want and uninterrupted at that – oh so wonderful!

Receiving platelets with Benji in the chemo clinic

So my progress is coming on in leaps and bounds or so it feels, but my blood counts remain low and actually have gone down in the last few days. I suppose now that I am not getting the medication to boost my white blood cell growth, the chemo is still killing my cells faster than the fragile stem cells are able to produce them. We will continue to trust that God will bring full healing to my body and that all this too will pass. I received another unit of platelets on Friday 24 Aug as my platelet count was down to 8 (should be >150). Thank you again to the many faithful donors who make sure that people like me can survive the dangers of high dose chemo!

Coming home made me think of what Jesus says about this life being fleeting and how we should look towards heaven. Going home to God in heaven is what lies ahead for all those who believe that Jesus is their Lord and Saviour. Jesus said “In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?” – John 14:2.  It is a day to look forward to but how many of us want to hold onto this life as the only life there is. Paul wrote “For me to live is Christ, and die is gain” – Phil 1:21. That was my heart’s cry when I went into surgery on 23 Jul 2011, when my life was in the balance. Once we die, we leave everything of this world behind us – we don’t get to take anything with us.  But as Christians, we have eternity in Heaven to look forward to. There is something to gain – to be with God where there will be no more pain or suffering as it says in Revelation. “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”- Rev 21:3-4

Home Sweet Home

Jesus says in Matt 6:20-21 “lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” I find myself often living as if this world was the only world there is. My desires are of this world and I want to hold onto this world with all my might. It is all I know but Paul writes “Set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God” – Col 3:1. It is a command and as I have journeyed through this last year of cancer I have thought less of things of this world and more about the things that are important to God – eternal things such as family, friends, those who don’t know God, the poor, being generous rather than just wanting ‘stuff’, living my life leaving a legacy of a man, father and husband who lived for God. Somehow when we go through tough times, the pleasures and desires of this world simply pale into insignificance vs. things that really matter.

Life is precious and fleeting as James writes “come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”—yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.” – James 4:13-14. I want to live my life with no regrets. Put off the things of this world and strive to live for Christ so that one day when I go home I will hear Jesus say “Well done my good and faithful servant”.

“He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot loose” – Jim Elliot

How God has answered our prayers

“Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise. Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working” – James 5:13-18

It is day 14 and my blood counts are low but starting to climb. No infection yet and my kidney is doing better now than before the chemo started. My Doctor is also amazed by how well it has gone. But why are we so surprised…. We prayed that God would keep me from infection and protect my kidney and what an amazing answer to prayer it has been. When we look back on the journey there have been so many times that we cried out to the Lord for his mercy, for his healing, for his provision and for his protection and He has so miraculously answered so many of our prayers. “For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer” – 1 Peter 3:12 

David with Elrina on day 14

A friend, who works here in the hospital, came by to see how I am doing and she prayed for me before leaving. My dad’s prayer group prayed for on Wednesday morning when they met. My family and many friends are praying daily for me. My cell group and my church have fasted and prayed for me. Colleagues at work have been praying. Even strangers whom we don’t know have been crying out to the Lord for my life, for healing and for his presence to surround me and to comfort me. I have been so humbled and amazed by the number of people whom have been raised up as an army of prayer warriors, interceding for me and my family before the Lord our God.

I am convinced that one of the purposes of trials and tribulations are for people to care for and love one another and to bring people to their knees for things that really matter in life. We are told to pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17) but somehow when there are life and death issues at stake our prayer fervency seems to be raised a few notches. I remember when our youngest daughter, Sarah-Jayne, was diagnosed with Intussusception (the intestine is folded back on itself).  She could have died. I lay awake the whole night praying and pleading to the Lord for her life and her healing. My level of prayer was raised by multiple notches in those few critical days. Praise the Lord she was healed and has suffered no visible side effects.  The scar on her tummy reminds me of what the Lord has done and how he drew me deeper into relationship with him, as I spoke and wrestled with the Lord. The same is true with my cancer. The nights that Sam and I, and so many of our family and friends, have prayed and fasted and wept before the Lord are numerous, and we have seen God answer so many of our prayers. Some instantly, others over a long period of time and still others are unanswered. We still trust the Lord for my full healing and have, together with thousands of people (literally), been pleading for my life before the Lord.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”– Philippians 4:6-7

Let us pray

What a privilege to be able to come to my Almighty God, the creator of heaven and earth, King of Kings and Lord of Lords and lay my requests and concerns before His throne of grace, handing them over in faith and hope to the Lord. What an encouragement when we see prayer answered, sometimes in ways that we did not even ask for, but all to God’s glory. As Christians we can know that God will answer our prayers. I will keep praying and the desire of my heart is to maintain the prayer fervency even when things are going well again. Thank you to all who have been and are still praying for me, Sam and the kids. We are truly grateful!

I love the quote from Soren Kierkegaard. “Prayer doesn’t change God; it changes the one who prays.”

Day 7 after Stem Cell transplant

My bag of life. Stem cells ready to be given back to me

It is today day 7 after the Stem Cell transplant (transplant is seen as day 0). The doctors see the first 10-14 days as critical. During this time the chemo does the most damage – killing all the fast growing cells – the cancer and anything else in its path. My blood counts are probably as low as they will go: Neutrophils 0.01; White blood count 0.1 and Platelets 13 (normal Neu >1; WBC >3 and Platelets>100). This means that the chance of infection is high because my body has no resistance to protect itself and due to low platelets I have high risk of bleading. Praise the Lord for keeping me from any infections and for protecting my single kidney as that too was high risk with the high dose Carbo-Plat chemo. I had a transfusion of platelets and again was humbled that there are people who faithfully donate blood/platelets so that people like me can be helped. I am on an intravenous antibiotic and a handful of other drugs to counteract the harmful effects of the chemo on my body. Main tough side effect at the moment is diarrhoea and stomach cramps. The chemo burns all your membranes through your body so the stomach gets hit hard. My hair also started falling out today. Third time… back to my “koel-kop” hairstyle.

Super D getting his precious stem cells back

 I have been well cared for here at Little Company of Mary and have had daily visits from my folks, from Sam and the regular stop in from my folks-in-law, who have come up from Cape Town to be with us for a month (They limit visits to family only and no kids under 16 due to the high risk of infection). That and the Olympics have kept me sane during these tough days. How lekker to have had the Olympics to watch albeit only one channel of it! God is good! I have also read some and have finished two books. The one called “Out of the Dark Shadows” which is the story of Steven Lungu’s life and how God changed his life and used him in a powerful way to bring many to salvation. What a challenging and encouraging book about trusting God for everything and seeking to serve him with all your heart. The other is called “The Warrior” by Francine Rivers. It is the story about Caleb from the Bible who is a man who comes to trust the God of Israel as the only true God and dedicates his life to follow God. The decisions he makes, the determination in is heart and the legacy to his family were all to glorify God.

I am inspired by men of faith who set their hearts resolutely onto God and follow him with all that they are. May I learn from them and live for Him who has redeemed me.

“Fear not for I have redeemed you. I have called you by name and you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you. And through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you. When you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour.” Isaiah 43:1-3

Cancer and Sin

“For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” – Romans 6:23

Cancer is like sin in your life. It hides away in your body busy with its destroying work often unbeknown to the person who has it. Sin will, like cancer, continue to grow and multiply and destroy the person from the inside out and often people will realise it too late – when it has consumed them. But we always have hope for healing from sin and cancer in our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. He died so that we can have life and be saved from sin and death and so that we can be healed. Like cancer needs physicians to detect and then treat, we also need people in our life to hold up the mirror of life so that we can see, the often undetected sin in our life. More than people we need the Holy Spirit, who will make us sensitive to the things that break God’s heart. When detected, cancer requires treatment and God will bring healing often through the hands of medical people and drugs. With sin we too need to confess our sins, as God to forgive us and then accept his forgiveness and live in victory over sin.

Cancer cell

“I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD,” and you forgave the iniquity of my sin” – Psalm 32:5

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working” – James 5:16

Cancer is by no means a death sentence – but it does put into perspective the reality of life and death. My cancer is like a Goliath in my life. But David overcame Goliath through God’s hand of provision and God was glorified for it. We trust for full healing of my cancer and know that God will be glorified through my healing. “But when Jesus heard it he said, “This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.” – John 11:4

“Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.” – Psalm 20:7. Like David, I will trust in the Lord my God.

Third line treatment – Stem cells

So the third line treatment marks the start of stem cell treatment. It basically is a high dose of chemo that they are able to give me (3 times higher than before and I thought I was already on the heavy stuff) and then they “rescue me” with a stem cell transplant. Stem cells are amazing – they are the only cells in your body that are disease free. They are the first cells formed in the bone marrow and are responsible for the formation of other cells like your white blood cells, red blood cells and platelets. For a stem cell transplant they can either use a donor, normally a sibling, or your own stem cells. Using your own stem cells is preferable however as your body could reject stem cells from a donor. Stem cells, once transplanted back into your body also know that they belong to the bone marrow, so migrate back to the bone marrow and start their work of creating life generating cells.

Stem cell harvesting. Dark red bag is my bag of life

On 24 Jul 2012 they harvested my stem cells. This was an amazing feat of medical science. The machine they use for the stem cell harvesting is like a big centrifuge which spins your blood. Because of the different densities and weights of the different components of your blood they are able to separate out the stem cells from the red blood cells, white blood cells and platelets. On Monday 23 Jul, they did a small operation to insert the Mahurkar line which goes into your jugular vein. It has an input and output point which is used in the stem cell harvesting. On Tuesday Alzera, one of the nurses at the blood bank in Queenswood where they did the harvesting, hooked me up to the machine and then they cycled my blood though the centrifuge until they have collected about 210ml stem cells. It took about 4 hrs and during that time they cycled all the blood in my body through the machine about three times. I was back there again on Wednesday for a second harvest and on Wednesday afternoon they called me to say they had 6 units of stem cells which was sufficient. The freeze my two bags of life and keep it at -70oC till I need it again. To prep me for the stem cell harvesting they injected me with a series of Neupogen injections that Sam had to administer at home twice a day for 5 days leading up to the harvesting. The drug stimulates your body to produce excess stem cells which are then harvested – amazing hey! Praise the Lord for doctors and engineers, I am sure, who could work this out so that I have a chance of WHACKING the cancer with high dose of chemo and can then be rescued with my own stem cells!

Perspective before third line treatment

My initial 7.5hr surgery took place on 23 Jul 2011 and exactly a year later 23 Jul 2012 I was in surgery again, this time to insert a special line into my jugular vein to do stem cell harvesting, followed by high dosage chemotherapy and then a “rescue” transplanting my stem cells back. We are now on third line treatment and have seen God work in so many miraculous ways that we know that He is in control and provides for us daily. We have learnt to trust, learnt about real faith, learnt that God has died so that we can have life and be healed from sickness. Yes what Jesus did on the cross was enough and we can call on God to bring full healing in my body now.

What a journey it has been fighting this giant – CANCER! But we serve the one who has victory already and I need not fear. Jesus has overcome death so I can have life. David writes in Psalm 23 that “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” In Rom 8 Paul writes that there is nothing that can separate us from the love of Christ – Rom 8:38-39. I know that God is with me and when I am weak He is strong. God’s grace is sufficient for me. “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”- 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.

His mercies are new every morning. “The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.””- Lamentations 3:22-24. The knowledge of God’s grace and mercy has carried me through the last two tough treatment cycles. There were times when I was knocked down and felt like I could not get up again. Yet faithfully the Lord carried me through those dark deep valleys and he has restored me. I feel strong and ready for this daily battle. Life is a journey – a journey with God and every step I take I live and learn and grow. It sure is true that we grow the most in our times of adversity and I have found the refining fire that I have been through has purified me further as I seek to become holy as God is holy. “In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honour at the revelation of Jesus Christ. …… As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.” – 1 Peter 1:6-21

The Comeback

At the end of January 2012, I was starting to feel good, get back into the swing of life and work and even started my exercise routines again, albeit a very watered down version – swimming…. I woke up again one night with heavy night sweats and back pain – very similar conditions to my initial symptoms. Called the doc and who said we should just check in case. Low and behold – there were new tumours on and around my liver – not good news. As I drove back to work after the news of the re-occurrence, I just had a sense of God refining me. As the refiner aims to purge any impurities from gold through putting it through intense heat so God refines us to become more like him removing the impurities of our lives through the trials we face. Bring it on Lord – I am ready, was my response!

                “He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver, and he will purify the sons of Levi and refine them like gold and silver, and they will bring offerings in righteousness to the LORD. Then the offering of Judah and Jerusalem will be pleasing to the LORD as in the days of old and as in former years.” – Malachi 3:3-4

Another few days of turmoil followed, closing off life for the next three months of treatment. My oncologist, Dr Graham Cohen (referred to as Graham from now on) was concerned that the cancer had come back so quickly and was so prevalent indicating that it was aggressive and was resilient against the initial BEP treatment. The second line chemo was TIP (Taxol which is so potent it burns through the normal drip lines, Ifosphomide and Cisplatin). It was three cycles of 5 days of heavy chemo including a 24 hr dose of Taxol. That was followed by three weeks of recovery from the significant side effects. Then, just as I was getting back to life, able to move around a bit and eat normally again, they whacked me with the next cycle. After cycle one I was critically sick in hospital again for a week which Graham called “life threatening” as my immune system was critically low. God faithfully provided again and I made it through the second line treatment.

Bright smiling – Bells Palsy set in

Half way through the treatment cycle I was struck with facial paralysis on one side. Graham was concerned that the cancer has spread to my brain and immediately asked me to go for a series of tests and scans. It was a difficult prognosis as the paralysis moved bilateral (both sides of the face) which confused the doctors. So the next chemo treatment was delayed for a week whilst I struggled to eat, drink, show any emotion and even close my eyes (Sam had to tape them closed at night). Again the Lord provided and finally the prognosis of Bells Palsy was given by a neurologist confirming that no cancer was present in the brain. A relief whilst I struggled with the uncomfortable side effects. I did feel at times that the Lord could have spared me these curve balls but each time my faith was strengthened.

I started life again and the ability to see perspective of normal things was wonderful. Sam and I managed to get away to the Kruger Park for a long weekend before I started up work again and it was a blessed time of connecting on life. What an amazing park. You just have to go there once every other year if not sooner! Thanks to Janet for arranging that. I was back at work with new vigour and energy and my two flights of stairs fitness test at work became easier as the weeks went by. At the start of June I went for my follow-up test and was told that the chemo was very successful, killing off all the tumours around my liver but there was still one cancerous lymph node around my aorta below my sternum (between my lungs and close to the heart). It is the size of a grape but has to be treated. I had a final chance to regroup with Sam’s family in Nature’s Valley for our family holiday before I had to wrap up life again and head into third line chemo treatment.

Family Holiday in Nature’s Valley