How would you respond if you were told you were terminally ill – would your life look different if you only had one month left to live? Bit of a cliché question but on 19 July 2011 the Dr. said these words: “You have cancer”.
Background
I have had a very blessed life and have really had all my needs and even some of my wants met in every phase of life. I was born in 1973 to parents who were diplomats and loved God setting an example to my brother, sister and myself in how to live a life for God. My folks are here today and I just want to acknowledge the role they played in my life. I grew up in Mozambique, Brazil, Spain and Malawi but our home base as a family was Pretoria where we returned after every 4 years. I finished school at Pretoria Boys high and it was at an SCA camp that I fully committed my heart to the Lord. The song Father God brought me to my knees and the words were so significant
“Father God I wonder how I managed to exist without, the knowledge of your parenthood and your loving care. Now I am your child I am adopted in your family and I will never be alone because Father God you are here beside me”.
After my time in the army (real men still had to go to the army….) I went to study I.E. at Tuks and soon after I completed my degree I started working for SAB where I have been for the last 15 ½ yrs. At the age of 26 I started making plans in life with the love of my life Samantha and we have three wonderful kids. Parenting remains an amazing journey for me as I see life through the eyes of my children and experience a deeper level of love… makes me just think on how amazing the Father’s love must be for me if his love is complete and perfect.
I love extreme sports and have done some extreme things like jump out of an aeroplane, ride my mountain bike over every mountain between Knysna and Cape Town in the Cape Epic. I love mountain biking, snowboarding and any outdoor sports. I have always lived life to the full and I like the mountain biking motto “that if you are not living close to the edge then you are taking up too much space….”
Above all I love the Lord and Christ has been the foundation for everything I do in my life. I have been part of leading the young adults ministry at Central Baptist before we planted Eastside and Sam and I were one of the founding members of this church. My primary ministry has been to lead a cell group and I have been blessed through it over the last 15 odd years.
BUT – I also had my fair share of physical trials
At the age of:
– 2: We had flee Mozambique as a family as the civil war broke out
– 5: I bit my tongue in half twice – hanging from a thread – lots of jelly and ice-cream
– 6: Knocked out my front tooth on the end of a wheelbarrow – not so bad but it was all the root canal treatment that caused suffering
– 9: Breathed in poisonous gas – acid and chlorine and almost died.
– 9: Stung by a bee on my lip and almost died from the inflammation restricting my breathing
– 10: Slammed my fingers in the solid front door of our house – 2 operations
– 19: I almost died in the army – was in intensive care for 2 weeks on every machine possible. I had a heart failure, lung failure, kidney failure – you name it….
– 26: My life ended – I got married. And a new much better life started!
– 28: fell off my mountain bike and dislocated my shoulder – dislocated it 15 more times before I had an operation to make it bionic.
– 37: our youngest daughter, Sarah-Jayne, almost died from a condition called intercisseption where the intestine folds back onto itself. She was only 6 months old.
– 38: I was diagnosed with cancer
The last 18 months have been the toughest journey of my life but I believe God had been preparing me, toughening me up to be able to handle it. Jesus says (Matt 11:28) that we should come to Him all who are heavy laden and He will give us rest. I have through every trial come to God and He has been faithful and has provided for all my needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus (Phil 4: 19).
My Journey
In Jan 2011 I had back pain for the first time and it lasted for about 3 days. I did what all cyclists seem to do these days – I took some drugs. Not to enhance my performance but to ease the pain. The pain eased off but by April I was going to the physio to try and get my back pain sorted. I was training for the Sani2C at the time and thought that it was maybe the geometry of the bike I had loaned from my boss (my frame had cracked) or my posture at work that was causing my back pain. The pain persisted but so did I and I managed to do the Sani2C and did well. But at that stage I was getting some night sweats as well and realised that something was wrong. I was still of the opinion that I had a slipped disc or something along those lines. I went to see my GP and he did blood tests, xrays and tested a urine sample… There was no evidence of EPO but also nothing else untoward. He sent me for a scan and on 19 Jul 2011 I saw an Urologist who said “you have cancer”. His diagnosis was kidney cancer because it had already at that stage consumed my kidney and had grown into my back muscle and around my Inferior vena Cava and Aorta and it had spread to my lungs – stage 3 cancer. Looking back it was a blessing that the cancer had spread into my back muscle because at least I could pick it up that way. If it hadn’t done that I might well not have picked it up in time to do something about it.
I needed urgent surgery because the cancer was an aggressive germ cell tumour and needed to be removed asap. The team needed was going to take two weeks to assemble and at that time the pain would persist and the cancer would continue to grow and damage my body. Miraculously the Dr. called back a day later to say that all had been set up for the Saturday and I had two days to wrap up my life, work and get everything in place for what was to come.
The Dr. warned me that the operation could be life threatening and if I required a vein graft for my inferior vena cava, anything could happen. I called my children to me one by one and said good bye. It broke my heart to think that I might not see them grow older and achieve the many milestones in life…. As I was wheeled in to the operating theatre on the Saturday morning Sam was still with me. I remember quoting Paul’s words to her form Phil 1:21– “ for me to live is Christ and die is gain”. I didn’t want to die because I still had so much to live for… but if it happened I was ready.
The 7 ½ hr operation was successful and they managed to remove my kidney and a renal mass the size of a small rugby ball. One of my friends commented that it was a bit of an extreme measure to shave off a few kgs to get to that ideal racing weight…. The church had already responded and the body of Christ had come around my family to love, care and pray for us. On the Saturday morning the church had called a day of fasting and prayer and there was a prayer meeting at the hospital for the entire period of the operation. They held up the Dr’s arms and I believe that sustained the team working on me to keep going without even a toilet break for 7 ½ solid hours. New respect for the medical field! I recovered and was out of ICU after a few days and then had a few complications including a painful spasm in my colon when again I thought this was the end…. Sam came that night and so did my family, Riaan and a few close friends who just prayed and prayed. James 5:16 teaches that the prayer of the righteous is powerful and effective and I am a walking testimony to that.
The one morning the Dr. came into my room with a big smile on his face. The pathology report was out and it confirmed that I didn’t have kidney cancer but rather testicular cancer. It was a miracle and a real answer to prayer. The implications were that I could have chemo and an improved chance to get rid of the cancer. I never knew that someone could be glad to have chemo – I was overjoyed. Kidney cancer cannot be treated with chemo and has to be removed surgically. The break-away tumours on my lungs remained a concern and the overall chance of surviving kidney cancer was bleak vs. testicular cancer that post 1975 had a 90% success rate with chemo. God had already started using my cancer to his glory and when my dad shared in church on the Sunday after the operation one of the guys was moved by the Holy Spirit to give his life to Christ.
Throughout my journey I have been encouraged by the many people who have prayed for us as a family. People who didn’t even know me from around the world were praying for me. Families were praying for me daily with their children, one of the school children in Eastside gave up chocolates for lent and prayed for me each time she had a craving for chocolate. It was humbling but hugely encouraging. The word of God was always a source of inspiration and comfort. Says in Col 3:16 “Let the word of God dwell in you richly…”. Sam put up verses all over my hospital room and I could read them over and over holding onto the promises from the bible. I also studied the bible with greater zeal seeking answers re healing, God’s purpose and why we go through trials. God blessed me during the last 18 months with a “peace that surpasses all understanding” Phil 4:7.
I had days when I worried or had fear about the future but God always comforted me. 2 Cor 1:3-4 says God comforts us so that we can comfort others. My heart never grew angry towards God nor did I ask why me but rather, my desire was for God to be glorified through this. Today I look back and can see how God used my cancer to reach more people than I have ever had the opportunity to reach. I have spoken to multiple colleagues, friends and family, many of whom have been encouraged by the way God has provided for us and comforted me as I walked through the valley of the shadow of death. (Psalm 23). He was my rock and my foundation and because of God’s provision I could get through this ordeal.
I started my 1st chemo cycle as soon as I was strong enough to handle it. I was grateful for the relative youth and fitness levels going into the treatment which helped me cope with what was to come. Every type of cancer, of which there are 240 different types, has a different concoction of drugs that work to fight the cancer. The chemo drugs work to kill the fast growing cells in your body of which the cancer is one type. But it also kills hair follicles, and white blood cells, red blood cells and platelets. After the first cycle my immunity was so low that I got neutroponic fever and had to spend another week in hospital on serious antibiotics to avoid the common cold killing me. I learnt that God even used poison and evil in this world to his glory as he did for Joseph. God used the evil plans of the brothers to save the nation. You see, God hates sin but allows us free will and will even use a bad situation to his glory. I learnt that I could trust God fully and that he was in control no matter how out of control my situation seemed. He knows every hair on my head and he knitted me together in my mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13) – He knows every detail of my life. He knew the cancer was there before the doctors or I did. He knew what my journey would be like and knew how much my body could handle. “We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Rom 8:28). Yes even the bad things in life, God will use to His Glory. In times of trial and difficulty we can know that God is where He always is: On the throne – pouring out his love over this broken world. He has dealt with sin on the cross and has defeated death… “Where, O death is your victory? Where O death, is your sting. He gives us victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Cor 15:55).
Our God is greater our problems – no matter how big they seem. He will never leave us nor forsake us (1 Kings 8:57). His love will never fail (1 Cor 13:8). Two verses that got me through many a day were:
“The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” (Lam 3:22-23).
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Cor 12:9-10
I could make it through a really tough day knowing that tomorrow is a new day and that I will receive new mercy to get through the day. I could hold onto the truth that God’s grace is sufficient for me. I didn’t need anything else but I could rest in weakness knowing that is when God is strong in me.
The chemo cycle was tough and some days I could hardly shuffle from my bed to the couch. I would not have enough energy to read, had aching joints, lungs that felt like they were on fire, pins and needles in my hands and feet, nausea, diarrhoea, loss of hair, loss of appetite and my taste buds were out of whack. I lost 12 kgs and you could have mistaken me for a balding, anorexic roadie… I had post-operative complications and again could have died if the sceptic cyst that formed in the cavity where my kidney was, had burst. Again I was spared and started the recovery road. Mid November 2011 I had a follow up scan and all the cancer, even the metastasis on my lungs had cleared up. What a joy, what a relief – we praised God for being faithful and for answering our prayers for my healing.
At the end of Jan 2012 I woke up again with pains and nausea. The cancer was back and I needed another 3 months of intensive chemo. The drugs were different this time because the cancer cells were resistant to the previous concoction. I was reduced to a heap of flesh and bones again. Half way through the treatment I was struck with facial paralysis. I couldn’t eat and drink without drooling, showed no facial expression and struggled to talk. Would have been a great time for poker…. I couldn’t even close my eyes and Sam had to tape my eyes closed at night. The Dr. feared that the cancer had spread to my brain. After another series of tests and scans and much prayer and petition to the Lord I was finally diagnosed with bilateral Bells Palsy – a viral infection that takes root when your immune system is low. We praised the Lord for his mercy and as much as I pleaded for the Lord to take the suffering away, I was happy to live with a viral infection compared to the possible spread of the cancer.
Throughout the treatment cycled I experienced such love and care from the body of Christ and from our family and friends. My folks-in-law came up from CT for each treatment cycle and stayed for a month at a time to help take care of things around the house and the kids. Our cell group, the church and other friends carried meals to us for months on end. Some came and picked up the kids for an afternoon just to give Sam a break. Through all of this I came to realise that God allows suffering to also help the body of Christ function the way it should. To carry each other’s burdens and care and love those in need. It does not happen when all is well, but when crisis strikes people are stirred into action. James writes in James 1:2 “Consider it pure joy brothers when you experience trials of many kinds” made sense to me. We will all experience trials at some point in our life and the joy that comes from the trial is opfen experiencing the love of others and drawing us into a deeper relationship with God.
I shared with my men’s prayer group (if you are not part of one I would encourage you to join one), that when we are facing death all other temptations and desires of this world that distract us from God and lead us to sin…. They all become meaningless. As the writer of Ecclesiastes says: It all is meaningless vs. the surpassing greatness of God. The pleasures of money, fame, power, sex…. they are all just temporary pleasures and fade very quickly when our life is in the balance.
After cycle 2 we went back for scan knowing God had healed me. I was feeling great and we had prayed in faith for healing – so if had to be. Well Dr. said “ we have made great progress”…. Not exactly jump for joy stuff. There was still one more tumour left on a lymph node in my chest. It could not be left because the cancer was aggressive and would spread. The Doctor proposed high dose chemo where the immune system is obliterated. To rescue me from the brink of death they would then perform a stem cell transplant. The medical technology is so amazing today. If I had this cancer 40 years ago it would have been over for me by now. I went into Little Company of Mary for 3 weeks of isolation and the process began. I started the high dose chemo and for three days they pumped my body full of poison that would kill everything and we believed even the remaining cancer. The isolation was to ensure I was kept free of infection and I was on some serious antibiotics at this time. My immune system dropped to zero and on day 5 they did the stem cell transplant. God has made our bodies in an amazing way. These little stem cells – which are the cells that produce all the other blood cells in the body, migrate back into the bone marrow and start their critical job of producing white and red blood cells and platelets. Until the growth started I needed several units of blood and several units of platelets. My blood counts finally started rising and by God’s grace I made it through the stem cell treatment without any infection and my lonely kidney survived the onslaught of the drugs.
While I was in my isolation I started a blog site to share my story. There was so much that I had learnt and thought through that I wanted to share it. When I was first diagnosed Neena was doing the story of David and Goliath at school. The cancer in my body was like Goliath and by God’s power I could overcome it. That was part of my blog site name and I have been amazed how God has used the blog to encourage others from many different walks in life. Since I have started this journey God has opened so many doors for me to talk about him to a stranger on the Gautrain to the MD’s Committee of SAB.
I learnt that the enemy would taunt me and try to discourage me like Goliath did. It looked at times as if there was no hope – nowhere to turn. But God calls us to take courage. To stand up against the evil in this world. To trust him and to defeat the enemy. You see, sin is like cancer. It grows in your body, often undetected. It will spread and drive decay and if left will take over and finally kill you. James 1:15 says that temptation leads to sin and sin to death. Yes we die from sin in our lives…. a spiritual death. Physical sickness is terrible but spiritual sickness is the worst – it has no end. But like with my cancer there is hope for healing and Jesus came to heal us. Jesus say in John 16:33 – In this world you will have much trouble. But take heart, I have overcome this world. Jesus died on the cross, and when He rose again from the dead He overcame sin and death. By his stripes we are healed from our sinfulness and we are cleansed from all unrighteousness – Isaiah 53:3. He removes our sin and our bodies come up clear on the scans… It is no more. It is like God giving us high dose chemo (without the side-effects) and then rescuing us with a blood transfusion – with the blood of the lamb (Jesus) who takes away the sins of the world – John 1:29. Sometimes we need people around us to help us see the sin in our lives, like I needed the scan. Once we know our sinfulness we can turn to God and ask Him for forgiveness and know he has healed us. We can trust God for forgiveness and live the life of freedom from sin in our lives.
On 9 January 2013, two years after my back pain started I went to the Dr’s rooms again for the scan results. Sam didn’t even want to come with me because we had been there three times before trusting God for his healing only to be disappointed by those words “we are making good progress”. I had over Dec developed pains in my chest and when I wasn’t sure I tended to worry about every pain that I had. We trusted God but really put my life in His hands and said not our will but yours be done. I knew from the Bible that God has the power to heal me, He wantesto heal me and that He would heal me – if not in this life in the next. I prayed for more faith – just the size of a mustard seed…. But also realised that we can’t demand healing – God is sovereign. He gives and he takes away and all I could do is say like Job – Blessed be the name of the Lord.
I received the great news that there was no new growth and the tumour was showing signs of calcification or dying. What a weight was lifted off my shoulders. The world looked different in a way. I had a chance of living life again. To do normal things like have dinner with my family, work without having to plan for only the short term, playing with the kids and testifying of God’s goodness. It was a great opportunity to share again and I can’t tell you how many conversations I had with people who have been affected by cancer – their parents, uncle, husbands sister…. Cancer is so prevalent in our society and each time I spoke to someone I could comfort them, encourage them and was able to give glory to God.
When Jesus forgives us we experience the same feelings. We are a new creation. The old has gone and the new has come (2 Cor 5:17). The weight of sin is lifted off our shoulders and we can live the life of abundance in Christ Jesus. After hearing that the cancer had come back I prayed, with tears running down my cheeks, that if this was the Lord refining me, that he should bring it on. I wanted to be more like Jesus. It is amazing when we go through the refining fires of life how our faith grows and how our relationship with God goes to a higher level. It is easy to say that you trust God…. but when you are standing on a cliff of life and have to jump into God’s arms, it makes your faith become practical. I suppose it is human nature that we only sit up and notice when something dramatic happens… But I want to challenge you today to not wait for a tragic event in your life or a trial before you turn to God and become serious about growing in your relationship and your faith. Do it now – build that solid foundation in your life, so that when the storms of life come, you will be able to stand strong…..
John 3:16 says that God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son so that whomsoever would believe in him will not perish but have everlasting life. Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice someone can make – to lay your life down for another. He took the sin of the world upon himself and came to give us life and life in abundance.
So what would you do if you were told you were terminal. Well – the last time I checked we were all terminal. Whilst going through my first treatment cycle I received a call from work one day to inform me that two of my colleagues had died in a car crash the night before. I realised again that life is fragile and so precious.
– So – you should accept Jesus if you have not yet done so…. He loves you and is standing like the father of the prodigal son with arms open wide to receive you, forgive you and adopt you into his family as a son. You will never be alone again because the Father God will be beside you.
– See the cancer of sin that is like a goliath in your life, sometimes you need others to point out your sin like king David did.
– ask Jesus to wash you clean with the blood of the sacrificial lamb – he died and took the sin of the world upon himself
– and live a life of victory over sin and death. – but he rose again and we can have the victory in Christ Jesus. We are a new creation. Don’t wallow in the trenches – stand up, take your slingshot and trust in God. Face the enemy and by God’s grace overcome him.
– Live your life to the Glory of God in all you do!
I want to thank Eastside, Riaan, my cell group, many friends and family in Christ for the tremendous support that I received over the last 18 month and for walking this journey with me. Thank you for your love care and provision. Thank you to Sam in her absence for faithfully caring and loving me back to health. Thank you to the Lord Jesus for carrying me through this tough time and for healing my body.
I would like to end off with a song from Christ Tomlin about David and his life. The song’s words are “at the end of the day, I want to hear people say, my heart looks like your heart, my heart looks like your heart”. That is what I want to live my life for. Praise be to God!
david cb's goliath 